Some Tennis?

Just finished cooking, before which we came back from tennis. FYI I didn’t play for like years, before which I was always playing–junior tournaments followed by college tennis. So, I’m getting back into shape, and my mobility is really drastically poor. It bums me out, because I used to be able to get nearly anything on the court, and now winners fly by me like nothing. Gosh. I miss my mobility.


Now if I were a smart person, I would do sprint exercises to improve. But I don’t because it’s been so hot lately that every time we’re done playing I’m dizzy and exhausted. Well not exhausted, but definitely dizzy a little. So I don’t want to destroy myself by doing sprints in 100 F heat after that.

I figure if I keep playing every weekend and going to the gym and doing leg exercises there, my mobility may gradually improve.

You don’t know the satisfaction it is to be well mobile on the tennis court. To feel the adrenaline rush of sprinting to a ball and then crafting the response with your racquet. Such a thrill.

Anyway, yeah. Tennis.


Basting in my cruel elixir

Stall in Place

Never say



It’s around




In place

In backwards

Without regard

For mention


Place, home

Is sustenance

Is writ to be




Flamin’ caprico

No coming home

For you

For your friends

A gift

Of wellness

Of behoovement

Standard living



Until faithfully



Like the post

Won’t go to waste



But now

Staying here

And will remember


I cleaned out some old CD’s,  put em in my large case regardless whether we need em or not. I like saving things! (It’s not hoarding if you keep it organized.) And I stored the cases in a good quality sealed plastic box from the Container Store, along with some old cordless phones my mom wants me to save cuz she thinks they could be antiques some day. I’m pretty sure you can buy them on for like $10. I miss having a home phone.

When I’m in that mental block state where I  “can’t do anything”, cleaning is one of the best things for me. Cleaning and organizing. I’m currently in the process of organizing my vape gear and liquid. I have to toss all the old unlabeled mixed bottles I made cuz I don’t know what strength they are and they could be too strong for me now that I’m at 3 mg/mL. Shame, waste, decay, wabi-sabi. Oh well. I need to buy a backup SMOK box mod since my main broke and I’m on my backup now.

That’s it.



I also booted up an old old desktop with windows 98 on it, using a PS2 mouse and PS2 keyboard my brother had to order on amazon prime for me using his prime membership. It runs just fine, despite being like ten years old! 98 and older OS’s run so much smoother than the new stuff. Does anyone else is aware of this but me? New OS’s are so bloated and laggy compared to like 95/98. WTF happened. And I don’t hear anyone complaining. It’s ridiculous, CPU power has like quintupled and the OS is still laggy. I just cannot wrap my head around this. How much bloat does Windows have to put into Windows 10 e.g. to make it lag. How are they even capable of accomplishing such a feat, even with their bumbling army of computer science engineers. God. I hate it.

Point is, now I can play my authentic SimAnt, SimIsle, SimFarm, and SimLife games that I still own because the backwards compatibility feature on Windows 10 is broken and you need an authentic 98 OS or whatever, 95, to run it. Bingo bango, cool retro games for me.

That I’ll never play because I can’t do anything.

Ahh, life.


Yeah, so, I love cleaning my room. It gives me such a refreshed feeling. I’m also going to refurbish two desktops we have that are maybe six years old, not sure if they’re worth anything. Might use one as an Ubuntu server. Not sure what servers are for. More research required!

just scribbling some notes

to the tune of: raptors

I went and came

laid down the dead pigeon mole field mouse bodies

captures by claw of death

in the pasture

buried them and said a prayer

“May your time for salvation come sooner than what had come to you”

I wasn’t sure that was a prayer but

I wonder why the raptor didn’t eat them?

Sport hunting?

What does it mean when you call nature cruel?


Lest moles turn to men and hills to mountains

Let us be off this place and dash for [not sure what goes here]

Imbued/revived [spirit?]

Chest tawdry with lemon and jewels

Paradise is a [not sure]


See? No inspiration! I can’t even complete my phrases.

Crowdsourcing the solution to my problem?

Maybe you can help!

Here’s the problem:

I sit down at the computer (my comfort place), and immediately, like a bolt, the thought and impulse enters my head: Where do I go?

And I never have anywhere to go.

So, if anyone has any solutions, I would reward you with ten thousand gold doubloons. In the spirit world, of course.



Basically, I just need a hobby. It can be anything legal and ethical, it just has to fit my mentality. And my mentality rejects everything. It’s maddening!

This is one of those painful shitty ones:

I set myself to get lost

Get lost among the nothing that surrounds me

Is within me

And I mind

I mind like a homeless person got robbed

The shelter won’t take me

I have no place

And I’m in the confines of a safe space

Haven affords no visitors

Not that that’s what I want

I just want to do something

And that privilege seems to have been revoked

It’s all in the wrists

It’s just a sleight of hand

The adjustment necessary

To fix my life