I wish I had friends. I wish I could engulf myself in the worlds of books.
A lonely girl sits by the river. She hasn’t any friends. When the sun rises she is by the river. When the sun sets she is by the river. In between she is at school, at home. Her mother cooks dinner. At 8 she is by the river.
fuck this I give up I can’t write. Such a good starting idea, too. So much imagery. Lonely girl by the river… who am i kidding. I give up.
Went for a jog and did ten more pushups. Very short jog. <10 min.
I have nothing to do. I don’t want to waste my life not liking things. I want to be alive. Really be alive. I want to feel everything with the full capacity of my senses.
Shit just got a psychotic spike just now. Negative energy + delusion of brother harassing me.
These things just come out of nowhere.
I want to be alive. I want to enjoy my life. What do I do.
Hopefully the SSRI sorts out my anhedonia and doesn’t make my hallucinations worse.
I did 10 pushups! Easy.